If you're this then it's bad, but if you're the this, then it's good
14A
South American beverage made with oatmeal, milk, water, and spices
15A
Musical ensemble, abbr.
16A
Doubly accented liver spread
17A
Olympic race type -or- Have sex with again
18A
Destiny
19A
Reign
20A
Regarding Trump's bad poker face, Noah: "Yeah you'd always know when he was bluffing, so you'd probably beat him, but
then there'd also be no point because he'd never pay up. Not to
mention he'd ___ the queen cards."
23A
Ooh synonym
24A
___-deucey
25A
Cupid's ___, funny little birds according to Michael Scott
30A
Terse response of disgust
34A
They aren't yeses
35A
Noah, "If you're a high school senior right now, find out which schools avoided coronavirus outbreaks and do not apply there. Those people do not know ___"
37A
Like the basketball team that gets a layup on the opening possession
40A
___ Speedwagon, American rock band
41A
Absolutely loses it
42A
Noah: "Gender reveal parties should only happen when the child is old enough to know their actual gender, and to pitch in
some cash for the ___"
45A
Crosswordese I assumed for years stood for "Sold right out!" but is actually "Standing room only"
46A
E-sharps, by another name
47A
Led Zeppelin song with the lyric, "I'm goin' 'round the world, I got to find my girl"
50A
The ACC's Blue Devils
52A
"Me?" in French
53A
Regarding Jessica Krug admitting to pretending to be Black, Noah: "I kind of feel sorry for this woman. She spent most of
her life being Black, now she has to adapt to being white. She's
going to have to learn all the lyrics to Sweet Caroline and
pretend to enjoy ___."
60A
Create, as war. Also, payrate
61A
Antagonist in the first Bond film, probably because NO MD looks a bit weird
62A
Make something more exciting
63A
Notion
64A
Stud finder, for example
65A
Barton who founded the American Red Cross
66A
Unseen infiltrator we constantly protect ourselves against
67A
"... ___ shall surely hang separately."
68A
Religious prayer songs
Verticali
1D
Three feet
2D
Assert to be true
3D
Crème ___ crème
4D
Fighting on a significant level
5D
Hot spot for bears and otters
6D
Little motherfucker
7D
A single pubic louse is called this, presumably
8D
___ fool (behaves stupidly)
9D
Nickname for ESPN8 from the movie Dodgeball
10D
Golden shower of a sort that Donald Trump is believed to frequently receive
11D
Tear (ass)
12D
"___ be a cold day in hell..."
13D
With off: start a hole, or irritate
21D
"Pick me! Pick me!"
22D
Certain tides (anagram of PANES)
25D
Video genre of filmed homicide, named for the act of putting out a lit candle
26D
Stop by unannounced
27D
Houston baseballer
28D
Dance maneuver that makes people think you're having a seizure (at least when I try to do it)
29D
You can do it up and down, or to God
31D
Wipe away
32D
What my parents think I am when all I really do is restart their computer
33D
Iron Mike
36D
Loose fitting article of clothing worn at some college parties
38D
Midnight release?
39D
Old Greek or Roman building for musical performances
43D
Invited (to prom), say
44D
Stone in Superbad
48D
Russian beetroot soup (variant spelling, no T in this one)
49D
Probable
51D
Overthrow of a Royal, perhaps
53D
Tapered hairstyle I'm terrified to do myself in quarantine
54D
Stress, for example
55D
Certain angel makeup
56D
Planted spy
57D
One might be oral or final
58D
Twist
59D
Where you get facials
60D
Fake locks?
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Hurray! This is the first of your puzzles I've solved without having to use check to find the square I missed! Amazing clues on 10-down and 38-down! Did you intentionally put those in or did they just happen to come up?