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Punchlines 1

By Matt

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Across
  1. 1A
    "Clearly" in text-speak
  2. 5A
    Backtalk
  3. 9A
    Seeing this on the road may make people throw punches
  4. 14A
    Choices on tap
  5. 15A
    MBTI personality type (anagram of PEST)
  6. 16A
    Opted for
  7. 17A
    Groups of songs at a show
  8. 18A
    Character Le Pew that exists because cartoons decided we needed a horny predatory skunk
  9. 19A
    Prayed (for)
  10. 20A
    Jimmy Fallon: "Meanwhile, when he saw Biden at the library Trump was like, 'What is that place, what are those colorful paper bricks on the shelves? ___?'"
  11. 23A
    Stainless material
  12. 24A
    Recap
  13. 25A
    90s storage medium that replaced blank tapes
  14. 28A
    Certain wild cat
  15. 30A
    One of New Yawk's five
  16. 31A
    A spear-throwing device that reads like a repeated airport code
  17. 35A
    Stephen Colbert: "It's true, the man [Trump] hasn't grown since he was a toddler, he's the only president who still needs a ___"
  18. 37A
    Was a little overconfident gastrointestinally, perhaps
  19. 39A
    What the woman 69ing Pinocchio purportedly yelled
  20. 40A
    Jimmy Fallon: "That's right, there's now a Cinnamon Toast Crunch seasoning blend, and they even got a special name for it, ___!"
  21. 42A
    ___ feat (impressive accomplishment)
  22. 43A
    Twisting and dunking are often involved in eating one
  23. 44A
    One that keeps an inventory
  24. 46A
    They're indicated by raising both hands to the sky, for short
  25. 47A
    Commentator phrase said during a field goal attempt by a team down by 3
  26. 48A
    The I in G.I., usually
  27. 53A
    Obama: "You can give our democracy new meaning, you can take it to a better place." Stephen Colbert: "___?"
  28. 55A
    Exceedingly, in a PG-13 way
  29. 58A
    Spanish woman
  30. 59A
    Vaping device, and my mnemonic device to remember the 4 Galilean moons of Jupiter
  31. 60A
    Twist the water out of
  32. 61A
    "Are you ___ out?"
  33. 62A
    Russian-born French artist
  34. 63A
    Jerks it in a loo
  35. 64A
    Orchestral section instruments, abbr.
  36. 65A
    Mars cars
Down
  1. 1D
    "My wife asked me if I was going to stop singing Wonderwall by ___, I said, 'Maybe...'"
  2. 2D
    Imbued with holiness, archaically
  3. 3D
    Fast sports car, quickly
  4. 4D
    "___ really going out with him?", Joe Jackson single
  5. 5D
    "Baby safety month" for short, because apparently you only need to care for your kids 1/12 of the year
  6. 6D
    "In ___" (sort of)
  7. 7D
    Famous London Cathedral
  8. 8D
    Waxy liquid obtained from whales, NOT a slang term for semen, get your mind out of the gutter
  9. 9D
    If it existed in the 60s, it might have blocked "obscene" TV content like the first interracial kiss, or a woman having a job other than a homemaker
  10. 10D
    Keanu catchphrase
  11. 11D
    Punch lightly
  12. 12D
    Take advantage of
  13. 13D
    High school equivalency exam
  14. 21D
    ___ Fagina, punny Austin Powers villain probably inspired by Pussy Galore
  15. 22D
    Edible seed-producing coniferous tree
  16. 25D
    The Ivory Coast accounts for almost 40% of its world wide production
  17. 26D
    Play them with sticks
  18. 27D
    Long and fibrous
  19. 29D
    Their head coach said regarding playing football this year, "It's a gamble that you can't lose." Guess we'll see
  20. 30D
    Modern term that comes from "by eight"
  21. 31D
    Stylish accessory worn by Freddie from Scooby Doo
  22. 32D
    During a race, what place you're in if you overtake the person in third
  23. 33D
    Ones on the right are slowest
  24. 34D
    River through Tuscany
  25. 36D
    Central Illinois city
  26. 38D
    Mississippi has 4 of them
  27. 41D
    Phrase said while taking a defiant stand
  28. 45D
    Trent of Nine Inch Nails (I thought it meant fingernails for longer than I care to admit)
  29. 47D
    Cooking utensils that people often give "practice clicks" to make sure they still work
  30. 49D
    Smooth and aerodynamic
  31. 50D
    ___ bleu, common French expression of surprise, if I am to believe the wild caricatures of French people I've seen on TV
  32. 51D
    Togetherness, or Rick's hivemind ex-lover from Rick and Morty
  33. 52D
    The Earth has none, unless you're a flat Earther
  34. 53D
    Man: "God himself could not ___ this ship." God: "Hold my beer."
  35. 54D
    Apparent hiding spots for quarters in a sleight of hand trick
  36. 55D
    "Gross!"
  37. 56D
    Home of Paris, abbr.
  38. 57D
    Source of terror at a beach, maybe