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Daily Show Punchlines 1

By Matt

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Across
  1. 1A
    Stroked, maybe
  2. 5A
    Item that Postmaster General Louis DeJoy did not know the price of
  3. 10A
    Most people are from there
  4. 14A
    ___ Greement, the most boring punny Bond Girl name I can think of
  5. 15A
    Bears in Latin
  6. 16A
    Unit of torque that's a combination of a unit of length and a unit of weight, abbr.
  7. 17A
    Like JFK and LGA
  8. 18A
    Weapon used by 17-year-old Kyle Rittenhouse to attack BLM supporters
  9. 19A
    Part in a play
  10. 20A
    Noah: "Melania looks like she's got fashion designers on speed dial, whereas Trump looks like he stole his suit off of a ___ version of himself"
  11. 23A
    Got to third base face down, maybe
  12. 24A
    OD destinations
  13. 25A
    Take ___ inside (peer into)
  14. 28A
    It comes off your butt
  15. 30A
    "So I read this ___..." (What I say when I learned something from a meme)
  16. 32A
    Campaign donating organizations, for short (Stephen Colbert's was called, "Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow")
  17. 35A
    With regard to Melania seemingly taking jabs at him, Noah: "I mean, no wonder Trump was sitting there the whole time, looking like he was watching his own ___"
  18. 38A
    Univs.
  19. 40A
    Believer in Jah
  20. 41A
    German artist Paul (anagram of LEEK)
  21. 42A
    Noah: "Ok, is it just me, or does every Melania speech seem like she's taking shots at her husband?... I was watching this like, damn, she may have gotten rid of the trees in the Rose Garden, but she made sure to bring ___"
  22. 45A
    Game that utilizes a 20-sided die, for short
  23. 46A
    Follower of the natural philosophy proposing that the physical world is composed of fundamental indivisible components" (Don't we just call that science now?)
  24. 47A
    Like the emoji with a half-smile and raised eyebrows
  25. 49A
    Most people are not one
  26. 50A
    Juice accompanier
  27. 53A
    Little bits
  28. 57A
    Noah: "But after that rocky start, who better to smooth things over than vice president of the United States, and ___ in human form, Mr. Mike Pence."
  29. 60A
    Assistant who I will not make fun of here out of fear of retribution during a robot uprising
  30. 62A
    Release from a magazine
  31. 63A
    Unable to walk normally
  32. 64A
    Operatic song
  33. 65A
    Suggest, slangily
  34. 66A
    Nuclear deal participant
  35. 67A
    Pulitzer Prize winning album by Kendrick Lamar
  36. 68A
    Inquired
  37. 69A
    To the right, on la mapa
Down
  1. 1D
    Nip varieties are sold to tabloids
  2. 2D
    ___ life (be very successful)
  3. 3D
    Noted sign stealer
  4. 4D
    Female activist Yousafzai shot in the head by the Taliban at 15, recovered, and then won the Nobel Peace Prize (I helped an old lady cross the street once... but it's not a competition)
  5. 5D
    Certain
  6. 6D
    With "The", nickname for the Cleveland Indians, though probably not for too much longer
  7. 7D
    Comparatively distant
  8. 8D
    Seasonal worker who probably ends up with a sore lap
  9. 9D
    The most slippery object in the world (well, in the cartoon world)
  10. 10D
    Implement for some major locks
  11. 11D
    Like a stunner or Steve Austin
  12. 12D
    Under the weather
  13. 13D
    Lincoln nickname
  14. 21D
    Going down, abbr.
  15. 22D
    Wild ___, (semen, in a metaphor)
  16. 26D
    Of a European mountain range
  17. 27D
    (Typed) in
  18. 29D
    Things heard in traffic
  19. 31D
    Stay in their lanes!
  20. 32D
    Contemptuous exclamation
  21. 33D
    ___ five, lowest straight in poker
  22. 34D
    Shiny wheel
  23. 36D
    Dying efforts
  24. 37D
    ___Kosh B'gosh, children's apparel company
  25. 39D
    Like many an Indian Ocean pirate
  26. 43D
    "___ is fine, but liquor is quicker."
  27. 44D
    Single ___, type of tournament, abbr.
  28. 48D
    Exclamation to someone not being straight
  29. 51D
    "No worries."
  30. 52D
    Resigned statement of futility
  31. 54D
    Old Russian rulers
  32. 55D
    Point a scope towards
  33. 56D
    Play part
  34. 58D
    Requirement for Americans to travel to most Europe countries starting in 2022
  35. 59D
    Clarinet piece
  36. 60D
    Last word in many a Trump tweet (appropriately)
  37. 61D
    Nest egg investment